This summer I attended an adult female slumber party. We had all the slumber party goods: food, drink, stripper, (yes stripper), and conversation. Part of the conversation I abandoned because it involved male bashing, and I'm not for all of that...all the time. Nothing that I hate more than to sit around with women and talk negatively about men. Just not my thing. While I did not partake in this conversation, I did find another quite interesting. At some point this summer, the comedienne Mo'Nique was featured in Essence Magazine, and in the article she was talking about her life, career, and new marriage, which is an open relationship. This sparked quite an intersting discussion. Some of the women felt Mo'Nique was a hypocrite because (according to them) she seems to be such a confident woman, but that confidence was a facade, because no one who was confident would be in an open relationship. I think they were making some connection between Mo'Nique's weight and the fact that she willingly accepts an open relationship as going hand in hand. It is my understanding that they were assuming Mo'Nique had to settle for such a relationship because she does not fit the ideal standard of beauty. Which, I think is bullshit.
Because I was a little perturbed with this line of thinking, I decided to pose a question...that no one really wanted to address, so I invite any of you to answer. Which really is the more confident woman: the one who will allow her man to see other people (knowing they will come home to her and will have nothing to hide or the one who assumes that a man will only want to be with her for the rest of their lives, and if for some reason she is not enough for him, then he has a problem? I think that you can be confident in either situation. For me, it's all about what works for you. If you want to have an open relationship, who am I to say that what you do is a sign of a lack of confidence? If it works for you, and I mean really works for you, then I think it is great.
But that brings me to my question: do open relationships really work? Are two people gonna be honest enough with each other to really say "I'm going out with the chick from work" without the party left at home feeling jealous or insecure. I have never been in an open committed relationship, but I have been in several "open relationships." And what I've found is that no matter how willingly open I am, the other party still finds the need to lie about what they are doing or wanting to do. Why is that? I would think for many the idea would be ideal, but when presented with that idea one does not know how to go along with it. Does anyone have any experience here that can offer some insight, because the ones I have tried just haven't worked...
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You know....Open relationships are tricky. I don't think it takes away from the confidence of a woman if she is willing to place herself into an open relationship (married or not). But as with any form of a relationship, there are going to be problems negotiating the concept of it being open. I have placed myself in a few, and Southern Girl you are so damn right. I feel like I get lied to more when the shit is open than when it is exclusive. He's not going to really tell you what he was doing last night if he wasn't with you. You get the obligatory "i was just hanging out" response. And you better believe he doesn't want to know what the hell you are doing, because men who want open relationships are only open to him being able to get all the poon he wants while you're sitting at home. You don't get the unlimited pass; you get the him only pass. Only once I have been in an open relationship when I thought I was getting 85% of the true story. You really have to have no sort of emotional attachment to make that kind relationship work.
I will add this final disclaimer: open relationships, in my opinion, are not meant to last. Too long in an open relatioship leads to feelings, I don't give a damn who you are. You may be a freaking rock, but eventually you will turn soft and catch feelings either toward the person or regarding his/her behavior. I personally would never get married into an open relationship, but, as I said in the beginning, it doesn't take away from that woman's confidence (nor does it increase it for that matter).
I just say you have to be real with yourself. Can you share the spotlight? For how long?
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