Dating Jargon for the New Millenium

I was reading a friend's blog today, and in an entry titled Dating 101, she begins to examine the meaning of the term "dating" in today's time. She feels that when people say they are dating, they are implying that they are exclusive. I totally disagree with this. Dating for me means that you are casually involved with a single person, or maybe even multiple people. But her question, brings about some very valid points. What do we say when we're dating someone exclusively? "I'm with someone?" The days of "going steady," "going out," or even "going with" are a little outdated. It seems like we are so confused about this whole dating thing, that we've even forgotten basic definitions. I hate when single people say they're single just because they don't have a partner/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever. Isn't single a marital status? Even if we do have a boyfriend/girlfriend, aren't we still single??? This is complicated...no wonder we have a hard time defining our relationships; there are so many possibilities, we don't know what to call those we're involved with, and without definitions, it's inevitable that people will be on different pages as far as their personal relationships go. And yeah, many of you may say that's why communication is the key...but even that shit can be difficult sometimes. It's hard for us to really put our expectations out there, especially when we're really into someone and don't want to ruin the possibility before it even develops. So I say, we need a glossary for dating. I have come up with a few definitions, but I will definitely need your assistance. Please feel free to add/edit what I have come up with so far.

Single - not married (if you are dating/seeing/fucking someone, and are NOT married to them, you're still single)
Dating - going out on "dates" with people; like the movies, theater, dinner, etc. Dating is casual...no commitment is involved in dating. One can date multiple persons at a time. Oh, and there may be a little "action" involved in dating.
Boo - term for someone you are dating, and fucking. One is not exclusive with a boo, but things are getting a little serious, and a boo is potentially the next person you will date exclusively.
Friend - someone that you can go out with, confide in, and do your most embarrassing things around, but have not had sex with. You are not really sexually attracted to your friends.
Friend with benefits/"Special" Friend - someone who meets all of the criterion for "friend" with one exception...you are sexually attracted to this person, and you DO perform sexual favors for this person, and those favors are always returned! Sex does NOT ruin this type of friendship; there is a reciprocated understanding between the two of you. There is no drama!!! You are not concerned if this person is seeing/fucking someone else. The two of you just help each other out when it's needed!!!
Man/Girl - someone you are dating exclusively. You should consider this person a friend...WITH BENEFITS, but are concerned if someone else is in the picture.
Ass (or piece of ass) - someone that you sleep with, but have absolutely NOTHING to do with outside of the bedroom (or wherever you like to do it)
Bootie Call - now we all should know what this is, and if you are in denial...wake the fuck up. A bootie call is not a relationship, you are not dating a bootie call, him/her is not your man/girl. A bootie call is a piece of ass...probably recurring ass. You may talk to this person a little more than you talk to a piece of ass, but don't get it confused...it is ASS. Spur of the moment ass, but ass none-the-less. And if you are a female who responds to bootie calls, you are considered to be a stunt, broad, ho, or breezy (just a little ghetto slang for y'all).
Convenience/Trouble (courtesy of my 1st, and that's all i'm gonna say) - if you don't have someone, but your piece of "ass" is involved with someone, and the times you share are enjoyable, you have what is called convenience. Convenience can be a very good thing; neither party has expectations of the other. There is a caveat to this sort of relationship. If "feelings" between you and your "convenient" one begin to arise, you may now have what we call "trouble" on your hands. Then, the whole situation is fucked up. So, if you are heading towards convenience, just beware the possibilites that may lie ahead.

Already!

So, what am I missing? And, am I wrong about any of these definitions???

Is sex really THAT good???

In my short life as a blogger, I have noticed one thing. I get the most comments (and some of the most interesting comments) whenever I talk about sex and relationships. Are those the two areas where we can really articulate ourselves fully? I have received comments on my more "serious" blogs, but not nearly as many as I get for the ones that pertain to sex, foreplay, and the other questionable encounters between men and women. Be that as it may, I appreciate and fully enjoy all of the comments. You give me something to think about, and a lot of times something to laugh at.

And so, without further ado, let's talk sex...

18 MONTHS!!! 18 months of toys and dreams. 18 months without knowing first hand about funky or sweet spunk?!? 18 months without orgasmic bliss that's not the result of my own action...wait, that one may be longer than 18 months ;) 18 months of celibacy. MAN...that's a long time hunh? Who does that? For a while it was difficult, then bearable, and now the difficulty of abstaining is back! And it couldn't have come back at a more inopportune time. The city is great; I have thoroughly enjoyed myself since I've been here, but as soon as I begin thinking about really "getting out there" in order to "get some" I hear a very disturbing announcement on the news "A new strain of HIV has been found in New York City." What??? Only one case has been discovered, and this new strain "is resistant to three of the four types of anti-viral drugs that combat the disease, and progresses from infection to full-blown AIDS in two or three months...The normal time of progression from infection to full-blown AIDS in an untreated patient is about nine years...For someone treated with anti-viral drugs, the average progression to disease from infection is 11 years, with death occurring within an average six years." My fucking luck! Now, this may not be alarming to your average person that REALLY needs some after an 18 month hiatus, but this is not the case for your girl. This news definitely creates a sense of paranoia, and I feel silly even asking if this feeling is legitimate. Then with all of the commercials about AIDS not having a face, I'm practically being scared out of ever doing it again! Okay, I AM exaggerating a bit, but the shit is kinda getting to me. Makes me think about a previous blog about why people lie. People are deceivers...shit if people find it difficult telling someone they have funky spunk, how difficult would it be to share information about infection? Am I really ready to put my health in the hands of a really thin, fragile piece of latex? After 18 months of yearning, and yearning, and yearning some more, and reminiscing over and over and over again, I don't remember sex being THAT damn good =) As much as I want and need to get laid, I don't know if I'm ready for the risk.

Is it just meant for me to NOT get any?

Cases of Funky Spunk

Now that I'm in the city, I feel like I watch one of my favorite shows more often..."Sex and the City." Christmas couldn't have gotten any better for me after I received several seasons of the show. Since I'm on break, I found it an opportune time to pull out the dvd's and enjoy the lives of four girls who don't exist...or do they? I was watching the episode when Samantha was dating a guy with funky spunk. How she stomached swallowing it I will never quite understand. As fictional as these characters are, they are not so fictional. I have a couple of friends who have experienced the funky spunk, and each of them felt it uncouth to disclose this information to the guy. Are we doing guys a disservice by not telling them if the taste of their spunk is not up to our standards? And further, are we doing other women a disservice by setting these guys loose who have no idea what their juices taste like, and feel it acceptable to expect another woman to experience such a traumatic ordeal? You may think I'm harsh for using a word like traumatic, but from what I've heard, the taste of funky spunk is so disgusting that it lingers around for days. UGH!!! I can't imagine giving a man pleasure, and then being surprised in the end by ultimate disgust. WHAT CAUSES FUNKY SPUNK? Is it a condition that can be corrected? Inquiring minds want and NEED to know. Ladies, how should we address these situations if we're ever unlucky enough to experience them? Should we tell a man if he has the funky spunk? Or is it an automatic deal breaker, so it really doesn't matter anyway? And men, do you know whether or not you have funky spunk? If you do, do you deliberately withhold that information out of the fear that you will never get your dick sucked? If this is the case, that is cruel and unusual punishment. If you don't know, aren't you the least bit curious about how you taste? For goodness sake, if you know you have funky spunk, please give us women a warning. I'm sure there are some women out there who may get turned on by funky spunk, but I think it's safe to say, it is not a majority of us. So, be a man, find out what you taste like, and together...

Let's find a cure for the funky spunk!!

Living and....Learning?!?!?

So I was chatting with a friend this morning, and we were talking about how so many things change with age...we learn a lot from our various experiences and those things we learn mold us into the beings that we are and will become. I haven't lived a very long life, but I have learned a lot, both from good experiences and those which have led me to deal with regret. So this brief chat got me to thinking...do we really learn from our experiences (mainly the regretful ones), or is there the possibility that no matter how much we regret something that we will inevitably give in to that vice again at some point in the future? If so, have we really learned anything, or is that just a part of life. Then I got to thinking about regrets...are they mistakes? I mean, if we could go back and change those particular experiences, would we? It's easy to say yes, especially if the regret picks and pokes at our own character. But, despite that I think that we should be appreciative for those mistakes/regrets. Even those experiences make us who we are even if they are painful to confront for a while. I guess we can just hope that we learned enough to not put ourselves in those positions again, and if by some chance we do fall (which we will at some point in time) we should embrace the experience as one of further learning and shaping. Just don't be a fool ;)

Live and let live I guess, and like the other cliche...never say never.

Good Ole Nostalgia

My best friend and I were talking the other day, and she told me that she reconnected with an old friend from high school. She and he kinda dated, or something like that, and I dated his best friend, so I told her to give my old friend my email address through her old friend. So we talked, and they talked, and today she and I talked like we were back in high school...giggling and laughing all day. It's funny how two old friends got us reminiscing about our friendship from its inception. We talked and laughed, talked and laughed, and then finally hung up. It truly felt as if we were 15 and 16 again living in a constant state of glee. It was definitely a breath of fresh air to escape adulthood and venture back into a time when we had no bills, no jobs, no worries other than what we were going to wear to school. We should all definitely revisit the times when life was so simple that the only major reaction it could bring to us was laughter.

Then we finally hang up and she calls me right back saying "Why when we hung up why did my phone say 3-way calling?" As quickly as we left our adolescent years, we were right back. "Oh shit, what did we say? Who could I have called? Did we say anything to incriminate ourselves? I'm about to fucking die!" Then we continue to talk trying to figure out why the fuck her phone would say three way calling when it seems obvious that we were only engaging in a two way call. How is that possible? Two grown ass women acting like we are teenagers ALL DAY! Kinda funny, but we're still kinda wondering, who did we call while acting like complete dumb asses. We're still laughing, but still wondering who got an earful of all of our silliness.

When Do We Stop Sending Nudey Pix?

How old are people when they stop sending each other pictures of their "private parts?" A friend and I were talking today, and the whole question of "size" came up. What do I consider big/small, and what does she? After talking about this in depth (not just today), she told me that she may have a way to see if we thought similarly. She told me that a "friend" of hers that lives in a different state sent her a picture of his penis, and she was going to send it to me so that we could somehow resolve our ongoing discussion. While we were talking, I asked her if people still did that. What I meant was do people are age (mid twenties - thirties) still send nudey pictures of themselves to other people??? Yeah, when I was younger, I may have considered it, and I may have even asked someone to do it, but that's not something that has come up in a conversation in a LONG TIME. So, you may be asking why this picture was sent. Well, according to her, the two of them were talking and "size" came up. So he decided to take a few snap shots of his piece and send them to her via email. Of course there is no face or anything recognizable on the photo...it's strictly dickly. After sending me the photo, we were able to continue our discussion, but in the back of my mind I kept wondering "is it strange that he did that? Is it strange that she thinks that it is completely normal?" Now, I'm no prude by any standards, but I'm not going to take pictures of myself and send them to someone...ESPECIALLY if I'm not dating them. She insists that because they are friends at a distance there was no other way for her to know what he was talking about. Yeah, I agree with that, but sending a picture???? What's the conversation like after that? "Ooo, you gotta big one? OHHHH, you gotta small one. You were right! You are a liar!" Just seems like it may make things a little awkward in the next conversation. We talked later today, and she said that another guy asked her if she would take pix of herself and send them to him. Of course when she asked him he replied "I don't have a camera." So is the thing to do???? Or is it just a coincidence that two people that she talks to are talking about sending porn in the mail??? Maybe I'm just out of the loop.

Are people really doing this?

Why do we teach?

Well I haven't been very good with posting a blog everyday, but today I am very annoyed and need to vent a little, so bear with me.

First of all, why are people so inconsiderate and rude???? Riding public transportation is a huge bit of relief from having to drive, but dealing with others on public transportation is as annoying as driving sometimes. Pet peeves on the train: people who take up two seats during rush hour; people who plop down in a seat in between two people, practically sit on one of the people, and never say "excuse me" as if they are entitled to sit on people as they please; people who listen to ipods or portable cd players and have the music so loud that everyone in the car can hear their music (especially the people sitting right next to them); people who lean on the poles during rush hour as if no one has to hold on to the pole; people who read the paper or a magazine, and totally monopolize your personal space while reading; people who put their shit in a seat and refuse to move it when so many people are standing up; people who don't know train etiquette like letting people get OFF the train before they try to get on the train (p.s. there may be more seats available if you just wait for everyone to get off the fucking train). I think that's it for now.

The real reason I'm writing this blog is to ask teachers "why are we teaching?" There are a few teachers at my school who obviously do not want to teach at our school, and who may not want to teach at all. If you do not like children, do not value education/learning, and do not want to see certain groups of children succeed, why in the hell are you a teacher? Today I took in two students during one of my prep periods because their teacher refused to let them in the classroom because they arrived maybe 2 minutes late to class. Now I don't condone tardiness at all, but how can you refuse to let students enter a 90 minute class when they are a few minutes late? More specifically, how can you let some late students into the classroom, but block others from entering. This is what happened today. I watched this teacher let 3/5 late students enter her class, while she told the other two they needed a pass to enter late. This is the third day in a row that she has done this to the same students. Apparently, she deems these kids as "troublemakers" so before they even have an opportunity to make any sort of trouble, she denies them entry. Does she not realize that in doing this she is not addressing the problem? Perhaps ask why they are consistently late, AND why they are making trouble in your class. Maybe they are bored b/c they are more advanced than the other students; perhaps they have a learning disability that is causing them to be disruptive because they can't "keep up" with everyone else in the class. When you work in an inner city school where the children are already the victims of poor or no resources, unqualified teachers, poverty, hunger, and a shit load of other problems, how can you as a person, rather as a teacher deny these students their RIGHT to an education? Do you want to see the fucked up system continue to thrive, or do you really want to foster an appreciation of learning in your classroom? Leave your biases at home, better yet, leave the profession if you cannot be unbiased around children. It is so upsetting to see adults feed into the inevitable immaturity of children. Be the adult...try to find out what the problem is, try to fix it (if possible), and do what the fuck you are supposed to do. If you can't do that, stop wasting your time, and stop withholding a basic human right from our children.

(By "you" I of course mean the teacher that is guilty of this today).

On "Waking Up"

Wow, two blogs in one day...I must really have a lot on my mind. Actually I want to start a conversation with everyone that my friend recently started on his new blog. I think he has some pretty valid points, so I thought I'd share his blog and my comments. So, here goes:

"The Sage" said in an entry titled Wake Up:

As Dap said in School Daze, "Wake Up!!!" Young black America, if you're between 25-40, you know we've got some work to do. Let this blog be the laboratory where we go to work. I'm late to the blog game, how stereotypical already, but better late than never. We're a unique group, born too late to march during the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's yet old enough to remember the dawn of the computer age (Commodore 64, anyone?). We've seen hip hop arrive, change, and go astray. We've seen Michael Jackson arrive, change, and go astray. I've got my eye on you Eddie Murphy.We're torn between worlds, coporate and cultural, political and spiritual, love and war. I want to use this blog to discuss how we define ourselves in this world. Would our ancestors, who've sacrificed so much, be happy with where we are now? Do we stand for anything? Could we have voted without dying? When did BET get buckwild? Is UPN, BET Lite? Ladies, do you really buy the purse for it's quality? Singles, maybe it's really you, not them. Fellas, she can't be a video girl all day, everyday. Did everyone really sell crack? I worked at Six Flags. Does anyone even know who their local Congressperson is? And everyone, please stop forwarding junk e-mails... There's no trip to Disneyworld, you're not about to lose the right to vote, you will not die if you don't send it 8 friends, and I don't want to see the pictures from Ginuwine's damn wedding. Y'all gonna get a brother fired.Let's put it all on the table. Let's talk! I'm tired of playing with y'all.

And I replied:

You are definitely right. It is time that we WAKE UP! Where do we get started though? The thing that worries me the most is that if we don't wake up, and wake up soon, our future generations are going to fall downhill even faster. And while my own conscienceness is important, I think it may be even more important to start reaching our children. As a teacher in an inner city high school, I witness daily nihilism in the black community as discussed by Cornel West. Not only do most of the kids that I teach have a lack of desire for education, but they are so far removed from what our ancestors have done for us. One of my students thought Martin Luther King was still alive! (What???) I'm trying to bring as much history into my English classes as possible, but oftentimes find myself very disturbed at my student's reactions. When we read and then discussed "I Have a Dream" as a piece of literature, students were laughing during the reading of the speech. Yeah, I'm not old enough to have marched during the Civil Rights movement, but never would I have ever thought of laughing during such a monumental speech. During a mock lesson on segregation, many of my black and latino students wanted to be "white" during the activities. The ones that were chosen to be "white" completely changed their attitudes and demeanors in the class...they were attentive, sitting up straight, and even answering questions. Why did they have to be "white" in order to do this? What does this say about their own self image? This is definitely something I need to explore with all of my classes. Many of my hispanic students call themselves white...even if their african roots are more than obvious...again, what kind of self image do these kids have of themselves? How do I begin to give them a somewhat unbiased education while also trying to address these issues with self image? How do I get them to stop using the term "nigga" or is that even possible. They think I'm just old school when i ask them to refrain from using the word. So much to do, and I feel like there's just not enough time. I have to do all of this plus try to get these kids caught up because their entire time in our educational system has been screwed. These kids can't write complete sentences, don't know about history whatsoever, and can't locate Africa and Mexico on a map or globe. What do we do???I think I've actually shifted gears in this comment, but I am definitely with you. Hope you can follow my remarks. I'm open to any suggestions anyone may have regarding my class.

What are your thoughts my fellow bloggers?

First Conversations

Do first impressions really matter? If we have an encounter with someone and they reveal some really wierd things about themselves, is this an indication of who they are as people? I have been thinking about this since last night when I had a "first conversation" with someone I recently met. It seemed to be going okay for a while, and then he started dropping some bombs on me...at least I think they were bombs, but perhaps not.

He's 35...9 years older than me...no big deal. He has two children, one seventeen, the other four. The first child he had young (obviously), and he kept referring to her as a "mistake that he's now paying for." Are children mistakes? Or am I reading too much into this? Could he just mean that getting a girl pregnant at such a young age was a mistake? And if this was what he meant, would he still refer to it as a mistake 17 years later? And what is he paying for??? He didn't go into much detail, and I felt uncomfortable asking. I guess I felt more uncomfortable that he referred to her as a mistake. He broke up with the second child's mother while she was pregnant because they argued all the time. Did I miss something? Aren't some women extremely hormonal and moody when they're pregant? Isn't it common that women are not themselves when they have another being growing inside of them? Okay...it gets better. Keep in mind this was our FIRST conversation, and we haven't been on a date yet. He continually talked about "relationships." Not former relationships...it seems like he was talking about a "relationship" between him and me. He even said that he was looking to get married in the near eventual future, and asked me if I was looking to get married in the near eventual future. Now, I am in agreeance that if you are looking to get married soon, you should have this conversation with the person you're INVOLVED WITH, but is that common discussion for two people who are talking for the very first time? Don't you try to get to know someone before you ask if they want to get married?

He also asked if I had time to spend with other people because I seem to be so busy. I said that I am always open to opening up my circle of friends, and he was like "no, are you ready to start spending your time with ONE person. Okay...I can't spend all of my fucking time with just one person. That's not very practical...RIGHT???? And again, why would he bring this up the first time we're talking?

Later we talked about, rather I talked about the hunger epidemic, which I'm very passionate about. I don't know how we really got on this topic, but I proceeded to tell him about this eye opening experience I had with a hungry man on the subway one time...it was a very touching encounter, and actually brought me to tears on the train. When I told him that he started LAUGHING. What did I miss???? I tried to let him know I was serious, and he kept laughing. What is funny goddammit? I don't get it. What does that tell me about this guy?

I'm trying to keep in mind that this was a first conversation, but it kind of "wierded me out." Children that are mistakes, exclusivity, possibly marrying a person you don't even know, and laughing at a man who was starving...all in a first conversation. Are these things indicative of anything I should be shying away from? Or should I give this guy a second chance to try to redeem himself? The first few weeks of dating/talking to someone are oftentimes so magical...there was absolutely no magic for me. Should I try to find the magic, or just move on??? Shouldn't this be easier?