A couple of friends and I are starting a book club. The book is "He's Just Not That Into You" and it was the root of one of the sex and the city episodes. The book was co-written by one of the writers on the show and a friend, who is a male. The book basically gives us (women) clues on being able to tell if a man is really interested in us. One part of the book has a list of rules that should be followed when dating someone. For example, don't date a man who lies, don't date a man who is married, and many other "obvious" things. Raina and I started creating a new list on her blog b/c we felt that the rules that are outlined in the book are common sense, and as women we shouldn't need to be told such things. I thought I'd share the list and ask for additions. Later I will share a list started by men...don't date a woman who...
So, here is the list we've started.
Raina said:
Don't date a man who...
doesn't absolutely love to eat pussy; lives with his parents over the age of 27; doesn't enjoy food a lot or takes diet pills; needs to sleep alone sometimes; who stops to fold his pants and hang them on a hanger before sex; can't hang with his girlfriend's family; can't pick up dogshit or puke or fix a toilet; doesn't want you to hang out with him and his friends; can't tie a tie or iron his own dress shirt; says words like smoochies, moist, tomahhhto, undies (as his underwear), weiner, or i have to go pee pee, but is afraid to say or hear words like girlfriend, period, yeast infection, or babies; calls you buddy, sport, or dude; would not drive an couple hours just to see you smile and turn back around and go home happy even if he didn't his dick sucked for being romantic; can't get you some tampons while he's out; does fantasy football or any other hypothetical sport; who is not as crazy as you are.
I said:
Don't date a man who...
can't not hold a simple conversation with you beyond sports and fucking; likes to steal, but says that he's only fucking a system that fucked him first; thinks negatively of you for shit that he does on a regular basis; is so primitive in his thinking that he believes he's the only one in the relationship that can get pleasure and go; is a "know it all" that really knows shit; can only be supported, and not offer any support; refuses to EVER bathe before you blow him (sometimes a bath is necessary!); who acts all "manly" and then jumps on top of a chair, table, or anything that's elevated off of the floor if he sees a rodent; who is frightened by something and takes off running WITHOUT grabbing your hand to run along, who asks you to do bizzare things when you FIRST start dating (i.e. snowball, lick ass/toss salad, spanking, wet showers, or asks if he if he can call you "mommy" or wants you to call him "daddy"), who screams like a bitch at a scary movie, who wets the bed...EVER, who MAKES you eat off of the same plate as him, who feeds you, who takes food off of your plate without asking (and gets an attitude when you ask him for a bite of his food)...
That's all we have for now. And if you haven't guessed, a lot of these were based on personal experiences. So ladies, do you have any to add? And men, feel free to add your own list of Don't date a woman who...
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
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FROM THE MEN"S SIDE OF THE AISLE, DOC SAYS
Here's the "Dont Date a Girl Who:" list that I posted or commented on and also a couple "dont date a guy who:" add ons that seemed important too.
Don’t Date a Girl Who:
Doesn’t swallow….
Has a mother who looks horrible…
Talks about her old boyfriend(s) who beat her (cause man, you're her next beater - RUN FROM HER)
Doesn’t get aroused (and I mean "moist") sucking your dick…
Looks at herself in the mirror too much…
Cant dance…
Cant take a minute or so of silence…
Isnt an artist (the broad definition of an artist)…
Smokes cigarettes (unless you do too, you dumb ass)…
Doesn’t have a life…
Has a pussy who's aroma doesn’t make you wanna go crazy on her(again, pheromones!). The sense of smell is the final arbiter.If you don’t like the essential scent a woman exudes, she aint for you...
Talks about old boyfriends…
Has a gambling obsession…
Cant split the bill…
HAS to have you make all the decisions…
Most importantly: doesn’t have a sense of humor, and I don’t mean just laughs at your stupid-ass jokes all night, but says stuff that makes YOU laugh so that you know there's someone unique there at the end of your dick.
Who cleans all the time…
Doesn’t like your friends…
Doesn’t feel its necessary to bathe before having you eat her…
Freaks out over stupid shit…
Takes herself too seriously…
Isnt some kinda crazy, and especially isnt crazy for you!
An important issue here: as far as the "am I the best you ever had?" and the "how many have you slept with?" queries - these are totally loaded questions and if someone PERSISTS (curiosity IS forgivable) with asking them stop dating them - its a losing game. There's no right answer, as well as no end to the invasive questions of someone who's that insecure/needy.
O.K., I must admit this one was actually a joke:
Don’t Date a Girl Who: Wont suck your dick tho she's sooo glad you drove hours to come see her.
doc, my mother is going to murder you if she sees what a pyscho you are.
AND HOW DO YOU THINK SHE FEELS ABOUT YOU YOUNG LADY???LOL
MY FINAL LIST
Dont date a girl who:
Wears too much perfume
Isnt a "hugger" or cant cuddle (don’t expect it on the 1st date tho fool)
Calls you another mans name more than once while having sex (unless shes calling you "Big Daddy")
Is a lousy kisser
WONT dance
Wont let you blindfold her (not neccessarily a first date option - but then again…why not?!?!?)
Rushes you into sex
Asks you what you like when shes blowing you and then doesn’t do it??
Wont ever look at you as you're fucking
Starts talking about another guys dick while yours is in play
Swears she wants to be tied up and sodomized by a group of enemy soldiers and means it!
Gawd are you all fucked up! The rules are simple
always marry up
if you argue before you get married, dont get married
sex is important but not the ying and yang.
kids are the glue to marriage
marry your best friend,romance grows.
when you stop pressing and looking for a mate, thats when the perfect mate shows up.
No Madam Hostess, I'm not the poster of all of the previous anonymous comments, but I can see why you thought it was me. I'm feeling his or her comments. Y'all are kinda fucked up. But if these women are as cool as you, it's forgiveable. My only advice would be to leave all of that crazy stuff on the shelf. Of course, avoid liars, theives, and abusers. Yes, he must have a job. And obviously he must treat you well. Stop there. Coming w/o touching you??? Magic coochie scent??? That's some movie shit. Great if it happens to you, but carrying those kind of expectations will get you in trouble. Make sure you come when he's trying to make you come, and make sure it ain't stinky. Figure out what your core values are and what you think you stand for. Then find someone who shares the same view. That's your mate. Stop making this stuff complicated. And for any ladies out there, if you ever want to know if he's into you, contact me and I'll give you answer in 5 mins or less.
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