Today I was talking to my friend Tamara, and she was asking me about men and the truth...more specifically how men fail to tell the truth. Why is it that they have to lie even when there is no commitment and no expectations? Is it just a part of their dna? If you (women) tell men that no matter what the truth is, they can tell you, why do they continue to tell little white lies? Is it because we have given ourselves a bad name; have we said that we don't care about the truth and then turn around and explode when the truth is revealed? I don't get it. I too have had my experiences with men and their lying tendencies, and I just can't figure it out. And I'm not talking about times when I've asked a specific question, I'm talking about when men voluntarily give information...that is a lie. Do they not know that when they lie, most of the time the truth will find us. And then how are we supposed to act? Do we ignore the fact that they lied, and keep our cool because the truth doesn't phase us anyway? Or, do we confront them about it, and make it seem like we really care? Somebody, please help me figure it out.
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being a man who's lucky enough to have seen the back of many heads bobbin in my lap, I have good news: keep on suckin, thats not why men lie. I never lied because I was getting head or because I wasnt getting head - I just dont lie, I'm not a liar, and thats the truth :) But there is a thing known as tact and if someone asks a loaded question, hey, you're allowed to be "tactful". My question is how many women lie to women? I see that ALL the time - under the guise of "being nice". Women understand that. Men do it too and its not to LIE, it's just to be nice too, but women are much harsher with the guys.
Now regarding voluntarily given info/lies: its like lying on your resume. Some people do it and if you're in a competitive metro area, you gotta get a leg up. Its not right, but thats just insecurity popping up. Queen has a good point: do you want to know the truth? Would you have dealt with the person who lied to you in the first place if he'd initially told you the truth? You might not have given him the time of day
Bottom line - lying isn't a sex issue, it's a character issue. If you want to be with someone who doesnt lie, make sure he's trustworthy and forthright.
Also be kind - if you project lofty expectations, guys will fall culprit to feeling they have to fulfill them. But if you're lookin for the "bad boy" type, just fall on your knees and blow with abandon - he will lie to you - its part of the territory.
strange lies by men i remember off the top of my head:
"what? that condom wrapper on the floor? it's from a fling i had last year before i met you."
"i moved the bed out of the room. well i almost moved the bed. i will move the bed."
i made these really good cookies. do you want one...okay i didn't really make them."
"i threw all my porn out."
"what paper? i didn't write that paper. okay... well, i wrote it, but i wrote it so i could buy you..."
"i don't like to masturbate."
"it must not be me in the picture."
(and of course i continued dealing with the boys after the fact. everybody lies a little bit. men may be worse at creating good lies-- or maybe it's not a lack of creativity, maybe they want to be found out and get in trouble because they like attention. why do women lie? it's way more insidious. men are just fools, but women get real subversive and manipulative with their shit.)
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