I have a student, and for the purposes of this blog, I'll name him Kwame, not sure why, but just go with me here! Anyway, earlier in the school year I heard Kwame tell someone (maybe even himself) that he was going to drop out of high school. Obviously this was disturbing especially because he's only a freshman, so I called him out in the hall to discuss this matter. He felt at the time that because he was failing all of us classes, school was a waste of his time. I told him that it was still early in the year, and that he was a very bright student, despite the fact that he failed my class. I saw and still see a lot of potential in Kwame. My words were not a bit of consolation, b/c his mind was not changed at all. I referred him to the counselor and spoke with his mother. After that I noticed a drastic change in his behavior and his school work. He was a B+ student for at least 3 marking periods. He also said on occasion that I was his favorite teacher and that he really enjoyed my class. So I thought all was resolved. Lately I noticed he wasn't really engaged, and I'd here him make comments like "I'm not doing it" everytime I gave an assignment. He was absent for a few days and then returned to school yesterday. He came to school early and told me he wanted to show me something. So we went in the hall and he showed me a letter from his brother and he made it a point to show me the addresser's address...it was a correctional facility. He told me that the two most influential people in his life (his brother and cousin) were in jail, and he felt that that is where he was headed. I told him that doesn't have to be the case, to which he replied "This is just me. I know I'm doing wrong; I'm in a gang, and there's nothing more I can do. I just don't have any other role models." I was speechless. I tried to tell him that he can decide what he will become, but he wasn't buying it. I ran out of words to say, and when he saw that he told me "I just wanted to tell you why I haven't been involved in class...my mind is just in other places, and I can't focus right now." Shit!!! I told him I understood he was going through difficult times, but tried to reinforce my earlier comments. I have no idea what I should do. This kid truly believes he has no other choices right now, and what could I say to convince him otherwise...NOTHING. He felt the need to give me some sort of reason for his change in behavior, and that says a lot about what he thinks of me as a teacher. How often do kids give excuses for their academic decline???
He didn't come to school today. I feel like I really fucked up.
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Southern Girl, here's a message from another Southern Girl who can hear your worry and frustration: you did not fuck up, as you believe you did! You listened, you tried to convince this student that there is hope, that there is something else that he can do, and that you, indeed, was willing/is willing to listen to him and to your other students. And aren't those things important in the work that you do and in the work that we all are supposed to be doing in this world? He came to you, you talked to and with you, and he listened to your words... now, he must remember your words and you must repeat them whenever you see him, even if he doesn't want to hear them. Write your words down on a piece of paper for him and for you -- giving them to him the next time you see him and reading them yourself the next time you think of him. It's all about the courage to share with others how we feel about them, ourselves, and life, and how they give us hope and the energy to continue doing our work. It's a struggle and it's a long, often difficult process that we signed up for, but it is so, so, so fulfilling, especially when we can take a moment to acknowledge the courage the student had/has in coming to you and saying what he's going through in the most honest ways he knows how to. That tells me that he's been thinking about these things and about what he has not been doing in school, and that he wanted to let you know. Obviously, you have touched him in ways that you do not even know, and for that, you have not failed him nor yourself!!! Let me know when he comes back and when you give him that note, written in words of care, for him to read and remember. --VK
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