Has it always been a problem that men can't be men, or is it a 90's/new milenium type thing? Maybe it was World War II. Did that war stop the birth of man? Perhaps we need to start having wars that make men more like men and less like the pussies that I've been privileged enough to encounter lately. And as Raina said, I'm sure women will somehow be to blame for men being so soft.
What brought this on??? A man, of course. A man that I was friends with. Never any talk of being in a relationship; frankly the thought of that never crossed my mind. So my friend and I had been talking and communicating everyday, a few times a day. Just typical friendly conversation with a few laughs, a little advice, and a lot of support. Then one day out of the blue, I hadn't heard from him, and he explained that he needed some "me time" and that he would "be back in a few days." Ok...I can understand needing some time in solitude; shit everyone needs that every now and then. Now, personally I've never needed a few days for that shit; even if I did need that much "me time," I don't have that kind of fucking time on my hands. But, to each man his own. So since he's returned from his "me time" I still haven't heard from him. Yeah, I would check up on him daily to say hello and to see how his day was going, but got nothing in return. As a friend I began to get a little concerned, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder (in the words of C.B.) "is this motherfucker avoiding me???" And if so, why??? So I tried to call him today...no answer. Then I sent him a text asking if everything was ok, and that I was a little concerned b/c he hadn't returned any of my messages...no reply. Five hours later, I was a little more concerned, and little more frustrated. HELL-OOO???? So, I went against my urges not to call him, and decided to call him...ANONYMOUSLY, just to see of course if one of my hunches was valid. I am well aware, that dialing *67 before dialing a number is a bit immature, but I was in the middle of a game where someone wasn't returning my calls, so embraced immaturity with more immaturity. But I digress...Guess who then decides to answer the phone? Are you kidding me??? He answered the phone all casually and polite, and my response was "[Anonymous name]...are you avoiding me???" Of course he said "no"...how motherfuckin sweet. So I said, "Well what's going on?" Translation: why haven't I heard from you? I use to hear from you everyday, and now I haven't heard from you in over a week. To which he replied "Actually, I just walked in the door...I'm shaving." Yeah, that's what I do as soon as I walk in the door. He continued "Let me finish this up, hop in the shower, and I'll call you in like 30 or 45." Riiiiiight. Did he really think I was going to fall for that shit? Lemme wait by the phone for, I don't know...another week. WTF? And if you're asking yourself "Did he call back" GET A CLUE...of course he didn't call me back.
So I'm sure I'll be to blame for continuing to call him even after he never responded to me. Well excuse the fuck outta me for being concerned for someone who is a friend. Newsflash...friends call each other, and they begin to get a little concerned if they haven't heard from a friend that they normally talk to everyday for over a week. So here are some suspicions...he's got a girl. Well I'm glad if he does, and if he's dating someone who doesn't like him talking to other girls...FINE, just BE A MAN and pick up the fucking phone or send me a text message and tell me that! Suspicion two...I was crowding him. Now, I'm not sure how you crowd someone who lives in another city, but I'll be a champ, and go with that shit. Again...if you feel crowded...BE A MAN and say something. If you want someone to stop trying to contact you, the surest and quickest way to do that is to tell them that they are getting on your nerves. Or, don't be a man and avoid calls/texts and then answer an anonymous call...either way...works for me. But do you want people to think of you as a man, or a...(use your imagination). What is it? Am I intimidating? Do I scare people? Do I just flip out because I don't get my way? So if none of these things are true, then what is it? Is it just another way that men try to control women? "Let me not return her calls so that she'll worry about me, and then I'll feel all self-important, and then I'll call her so we can start this charade all over again!" Well, honey, I'm not the one. Especially for someone who is just a friend.
But here is what is so confusing. We are not dating, not in a relationship, he's not my boo, i'm not his...there are no fucking expectations, other than we are FRIENDS. So maybe I missed something...why do we avoid people that we call friends and then act like complete dicks about it??? I would think that we are too old for this shit...well I know I am. And I know I'm going on and on, but I'm completey flabbergasted right now. I just don't get it. And the sad thing is, for me anyway, is that I really considered this person to be a friend and I was a friend to him. Now, that shit has gone down the tubes. The game session of this friendship is now...OVER.
And if the anonymous person is reading my blog, that's the most attention I've gotten from you in a week, so I'm sure you saw this coming, you're a smart boy.
6 comments:
once again, there is no rhyme or reason. even though women are blamed for being the ones that freak out when if things even start to feel anything more than just friendly, it is often men that act the weirdest. perhaps he was interpreting it as more even though you weren't. maybe the lesson here is that as a woman you have to be extra careful with male friends and call them dude or buddy or pal or bro so that they're sure about where things stand and don't go crazy. shit, unless he comes back with some really good explanation, fuck em, just break out some houston on that mf and forget about it.
people are weird(very profound of me, i know)! in my 25 (nearly 26 years)i've learned to stop taking responsibility or feeling guilty for other people's behaviour. of course you can always speculate as to why dude suddenly stopped phoning, but will you ever really know? is it worth knowing? if he's going to behave like a basketcase only serving to complicate your frienship, is it even worth being friends? write it off! and go have a chocolate--it puts the world back into perspective!
:)
Yeah, it's official that the "men" assembly line might have forgotten to inspect a few things. But so many roll off the belt that they can't all be at the top of their game. But, one thing I've definitely learned is that men that are friends do not equal good fuck friends. They get too weird and they say "i just wanted to cut it off before 'you' get too serious." Translation: I'm a fuckin punk. So, I'm with raina. Unless he comes with the realness of a great explanation....fuck it and move on to the next man off the assembly who has been inspected.
Don't tell me it never crossed your mind and...maybe your friend is gay !
here i go again....so the gendered discourses flying around here are making me very uneasy! on the one hand it seems the women are trying to reject the positions of 'female' that they have been ascribed, but on the other are leaving no space or consideration for their male counterparts to reject the typically 'male' stereotypes. can people ever acts as people or is it always a case of 'male' or 'female'? and right, what is a 'man'? what is a 'woman'? you've opened these up for discussion, but it seems you already have made the decisions! i'm all for breaking the mould, don't get me wrong, but dont force people into the boxes that you yourself adamantly oppose!
:)
Maybe it's our fault a bit too. I tend to take my guy friends for granted. I know they are there and I use them for attention when I am feeling down. I looked back at my journal and realized that an old friend was right, I did only call him to complain and bitch a bit. It wasn't fair, so he did stop answering my calls, didn't want to see me anymore, and just faded away. I didn't realize how much I missed him, or how much I used him, until he was gone. Turns out he found a girl willing to take care of him once in a while. Woman can talk to another woman and know that we are just venting, but maybe guys see it as weakness or something.
PS-I love your blog topics
Post a Comment