Did any of you know that the end of the world was right around the corner? In fact, it's on Friday, March 25, 2005. That's right, the end of the world is Friday!!! That's the breaking news I heard today. So why is the end of th world on Friday you ask? Well, here's the answer according to the students at my school. Apparently a hermaphrodite was born in the Dominican Republic a few days ago. This hermaphrodite was born with facial hair, and came out the pussy saying "If you think this is strange...wait till Friday." Or rather "Si piensas que esto es raro, espera hasta el Viernes." And because this "raro" birth happened so close to Easter, the end of the world will be on Good Friday, 2005. Oh, by the way, this was confirmed on New York City transportation...the 1 line Uptown train to be exact by an anonymous stupid ass motherfucking adult!
From what I understand, kids are not required to go to school in the D.R. If you decide you want to go to school at 15, you will be a 15 year old first grader! How fucked up is that? And is that the reason so many students (and adults) actually believe that the end of the world is prompted by the birth of a talking newborn hermaphrodite with facial hair???? (A.k.a a midget who is trying to pull one over on the stupid ass people that voted for George Bush? WHAT IS GOING ON? I guess what's even more disturbing than the rumor itself is that kids actually believe it! I was teaching a lesson on subject-verb agreement today, and when I asked the class if they had any questions I got, "Miss, (that's my name...MISS), are you scared that the world is going to end on Friday. I AM!" First of all, that's not the kind of question I was soliciting, and second of all....WHAT THE FUCK???
So I'm predicting that there will be pure mayhem at school tomorrow. But, I may be able to use the rumor to my advantage if kids get outta line. Would I be terribly wrong if I told unruly kids "You're going to hell tomorrow if you keep doing that" and posted a sign on my door that say "WWJD?" Maybe if they get too outta control I'll just tell them "You know what...you don't have to wait for tomorrow!" But maybe since it will be their last day on earth, they will feel the need to behave so that they can gain entry into heaven.
And you know what, if this shit is on the motherfucking news, I will single handedly end the world my goddamned self!
What is it all about?
P.S. If the end of the world is Friday, I'm sure I'll be telling some of you in heaven/hell "Shit...those motherfuckers were right." I'll be sure to repent before I go to bed tomorrow night.
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5 comments:
the promise of apocolypse is certainly news to me, as this tale has not made it across the atlantic! i guess if you are on your way out, it's best to be taken by surprise! thanks, btw for ruining the surprise! i'll be sure the rest of england doens't get word!
so a few things:1) WHAT THE FUCK is right? where do people come up with such shit? when and where does it say that a mini hermaphrodite with a goatee will prophesise the end of the world. missed that one on my reading list! i mean it's all too ridiculous to believe, but i guess if you are one of the lucky, opressed and scared shitless by religion, then this is something (no matter how illogical) that might be of concern. and 2)what's so wrong with going to hell--less drafty and the the parties are a hell of a lot better!
i have to admit i had a good laugh at this tall tale, but if the joke is on me and friday is D-day, you will find me at the corner table in one of hell's watering holes(hopefully there are several) knocking back a G&T. i'll save some seats!
thanks for the chuckle!
:)
i think something is going to blow up in harlem tomorrow and that this is actually a propoganda plot by bush so that when shit goes down, the people will have an explanation for it. tomorrow i will be nowhere near 125th and clinton's office building. you know bush hates how much smarter billy is and i wouldn't put it past him to make up hairy baby rumors in the d.r. to get some revenge.
newsflash:
payroll secretary informed me that the baby was not only hermaphodite,hairy and talking, but also 25 pounds. she had the same exact quote from the baby.
the guy at the chicken place on 155 and broadway confirmed the prophesy for me as i ordered my plantains.
a student told me that her aunt called from the d.r. to tell her it's on the news there and to be ready.
Okay....so my kids told me the same shit yesterday and I dismissed it, thinking that they were clearly suffering from some sort of memory issue that made them think it was April 1st and that I was their fool. But clearly this is some shit that has spread like wild fire through this city. Gullable ass kids. This shit is really fucking sad. Why do we need bullshit circulating to scare the masses. I wish my ass could leave New York tonight cause clearly it's a plot, just like Raina said. Something is going to go down and how ignorant will Americans seem if their blaming all of it on the prophecy of a hermaphroditic, talking, 25-pound newborn with facial hair? WTF!!!!!! I'm so damn ashamed. But....only in America.
Jesus wept. Somebody stop the madness...I've never heard this in all of my days and all of a sudden it's everywhere! I have to agree--only in America. What's with us?
Right...so apparently the rumors are continuing to spread, and I must add are getting a wee bit more ridiculous...if that's even possible. Today I heard from my kids that when the baby came out of the womb talking, the delivering doctor dropped dead...right on the spot. That's gotta be another sure sign that the apocolypse is tomorrow! So sa your prayers tonight, but if you forget, nena and I will be waiting for you all. A G&T will make things all the more better!!! But, just to be on the safe side, I too will stay clear of 125th and the Clinton office =)
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