Some Suthun Slang Foe Ya

I have to start off by saying that I write this blog as much to vent as to get comments from you guys. So you'll probably understand that I've been lonely going back out to my blog and seeing that I have "0" comments. I know some of you are still reading, but now you have to respond. This is an interactive blog!!!

So a lot of my students are comfortable enough with me now to start making fun of my accent...you know the one; the one I thought I didn't have! So I'd thought I'd take advantage of them making fun of me. Not so much of my accent cuz you can't hear it as you read this blog, but moreso about things that i say, or i've heard other southerner say. So, how southern am I? I'll give you guys a "few" southern sayings and let you attempt to translate. Warning: you may have to say some of these aloud to make some sense of them.

1. Kno um tom bout?
2. coke
3a. icebox
3b. fall papah
4. balled cone
5. ernge
6. washateria
7. strawberss
8. her (hint: "dallas" word - multiple translations)
9. stoe, floe, doe, foe, mo
10. fuh
11. sofamoe
12. southmore
13. play sister
14. showl
15. fuh show
16. fixin
17. finna
18. get down
19. use ta coulda
20. ri cheeah
21. chile
22. cheerin
23. sleep
24. hongry
25. i'se
26. tuda
27. ima
28. bahta
29. yalldun
30. nawh
31. akin
32. therdy, fody, fiddy, and fideen
33. dinnah
34. um
35. luhta

Alright, I think that's it. I live nice even numbers, so I couldn't stop at 31...and yes i'm aware that 35 is not an "even" number, but you know what I mean. After you guys make attempts to translate these words/phrases, I'll provide the actual translations with sentences, so you can see how we use 'em down souf!! :0

I'm a Video Ho

So in a previous blog I've said that I was not a slut, but a ho...now I have to make that term a little more specific. I am now a video ho. I've been in this city for almost a year and a half, and somehow in the process of moving here I forgot to pack a radio, so I've been without music for this entire time. It never dawned on me that I have cable, and there are several channels reserved for music entertainment only...and not MTV, or BET, or VH1...all of those channels have more reality shows than music. If you want music, you have to scroll up into the 100's. So about a week ago I discovered VH1Soul, and I'm hooked. Anytime a commerical comes on a show I'm watching I find myself hitting the "last" button on my remote so that I can quickly get back to channel 144. So I think I've caught up with the music of the times. I've seen so much Amerie, Ciara, Mariah, Bobby Valentino, John Legend, K-0s, Jill Scott, Joss Stone, etc., etc., that a sane person would think I had enough...but not me. I find myself in a trance as I watch people "sing" their hearts off, and dance their asses into oblivion. Again...I am hooked. I can't even tell you how many times I've seen the same videos over and over again, but I continue to watch. I have to say it's kinda nice to see some oldies come on...just finished watching Black Sheep's "This or That" and couldn't keep myself in my chair. I found myself traveling back in time when Maxwell, 702, Destiny's child before all of the changes, Toni Braxton, and others appeared on my screen. Just a few minutes ago I realized why so many of my students watch videos instead of doing their homework...this shit is addictive. I don't know how "good" it really is,but it is definitely entertaining.

A "Motha" of a Day

Ahhhhh. I'm sooo glad the weekend is here. Finally, a little time for some R&R before I have to get back to work. I was so looking forward to this weekend after spending last weekend held captive in my apartment with three essays and a 26 page fieldwork report that was due on Monday, but after the day I had yesterday, I found myself needing this weekend even more.

First period...Kwame (remember him from the previous blog) came to class and sat in his chair with a hood on his head. I went over to him to say good morning and got no response from him. He almost looked comatose. I walked over to him to say good morning and got nothing in return. I moved in a little closer and started asking him if he was alright, but it was like he was in a trance. I backed away and watched him for what seemed like an hour, but it was really only a minute. Then he did this wierd sort of twitch, and I immediately found someone to cover my class while I went for help. When I got back with his guidance counselor, he was being more responsive...he was doing his work. I tried to get him to come into the hall with me, but he wouldn't, and I didn't want to make a scene. So for the next two periods I was keeping a close watch on him hoping he was going to be okay.

Fourth period...I hear Raina in the hall saying something about calling an ambulance, so I ran to the hall and saw a girl doubled over. I went to talk to her in the bathroom to try to find out what was wrong with her, but she wouldn't tell me anything other than she was having bad cramps. I knew she wasn't telling me the truth because she was very relunctant in telling me anything about her so-called "cramps." Later that period she came into the office where I was trying to work a little. I guess her friend had convinced her to talk to someone. She told me that she had a miscarriage earlier that morning. I asked her if she had been to the emergency room, and she had not. I tried to convince her that she needed to go right away when her friend said the same thing happened to her last month and the nurse told her she didn't need to go to the emergency room. Now either she didn't tell the nurse the whole story, or we need a new clinic staff. I ended up calling planned parenthood to ask about the potential risks involved with not seeking medical attention after a miscarriage. They told me that a miscarriage could lead to infertility if a girl/woman did not seek medical attention immediately. This was almost seven hours after theg girl miscarried. I finally convinced her to go to the emergency room, but she didn't go until after school.

What the %@!*#

Underage wet showers. Public Masterbation. Bus Riding Nose Pickers. That's how my day was.

My juniors were working on an assignment today. As they were working I was walking around checking on what they were doing. There is a boyfriend-girlfriend couple in my class; the girlfriend left to go to the bathroom, and the boyfriend was talking to a few other females. All I heard was "No, she didn't pee in my mouth, I peed on her." I...WAS...IN...SHOCK. They totally caught me off guard. What do you say to that other than "I don't want to hear that kind of talk in this school." But as I walked off I was a little scarred. These are my students, my kids. I know they're doing all kinda stuff, but I DO NOT want to know about it.

After a coworker and I had dinner we were on an overcrowded train, and she mentions that she doesn't like to sit too close to people on the train. When I asked her why she proceeded to tell me about sitting next to a man who masterbated on the train from 125th to 23rd. This is not the first time I've heard about this type of lewd behavior. Why do people masterbate on the train? She said one time she saw a guy do it on the bus...and when it all came to fruition (if you know what I mean), the bus had to be evacuated for sanitary purposes.

While back in Jersey riding the bus home I saw TWO different people digging in their noses. And they were DIGGING. I was so disgusted.

People, do we have no shame?

Got the Po' Woman Blues

Got th po' woman blues,
And I can't be satisfied.
Said I got the po' woman blues
And I can't be satisfied.
Got a full-time job
and still need daddy to get by.

For the past few weeks Raina and I have been looking for an apartment...preferably an apartment that doesn't have a broker's fee. I have a degree, and a fairly decent job as a public school teacher; I shouldn't need to have a roommate, but I do. The cost of living up here is so ridiculous that all I have enough money for is rent, bills, and a few drinks here and there. Now it's bad enough that I'm26 years old and I need a roommate in order to save some of the change that I make on a monthly basis, but today a little more shit was dumped on my impoverished state. We found the perfect apartment on 145th...right outside of Harlem. The rent is only$1300, so that's $650 each. We had an appointment to meet with the realtor today. We had to bring in 3 consecutive paystubs, tax returns for the last two years, our last 6 bank statements (yes i said 6), 3 phone bills, 3 electric bills, a copy of our current lease, and a letter verifying employment (i guess the paystubs weren't enough to prove that we were fulltime teachers). All of that to pay $650 in rent. So everything is going smoothly. The realtor even tells us that we make more than enough to secure the apartment. Then she started going through all our other shit and tells us that we will need a guarantor that makes 70 times the monthly rent, because our bank statement showed that we did not have an average of two months rent saved over the past 6 months!!!!!! What the motherfuckin fuck?? We are not trying to live on the lower east side; we're not trying to live anywhere where a person with "real" money would even want to live. We're not even trying to live alone. We just want to live in the neighborhood where we teach so that we can cut back on some expenses, and enjoy a little company. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. It's bad enough that we are educating the youth of America for basically no pay, and now we find out that we can't even secure an apartment on our own. Where the fuck are teachers suppose to live? In a cardboard box in front of the school or would they prefer that we lived in our lockers? And if we (and when i say we, i mean college educated professionals) can't even afford to live here, I can imagine how hard it is for people who are from the community to live there. I recently did a demographic survey of the kids at our school for a class I was taking. I was shocked to see that some of the students were living in an apartment with 8, 9, 10, and even 11 other people. But now it's not so shocking. You need to live with that many people just to get approved to live in a small ass apartment in this city. What if I didn't have any parents? What if my parents were just as poor as I am (which they are, but at least they have a little savings). Am I missing something, or is it too much to ask that I can afford to have a place to live on my own? I can't afford to live here much longer...literally. I'm not trying to buy a home...I just want to share an apartment with another college educated professional. I would think that wouldn't be asking too much, but I guess I'm wrong. How do people live up here?

What's really in a name?

I haven't written in a while because the pressures of graduating school have been weighing on me lately, but today was my final class, and I won't get back to it for another few weeks. So now I have time to think about more important things...blog topics for example. I do have a few blogs that are "in draft" mode, and I may publish them shortly...maybe.

With my juniors we are reading Assata. For those of you that aren't familiar, Assata was a black panther who served time for alledgedly killing a NJ police officers. She escaped in 1986 and has been in Cuba since. A few weeks ago, the US raised her bounty to$1 million. Not sure why they would do this now, well I'm a little sure, but won't get into that now. Anyway, her autobiography is really good and the kids are really into it. Last week we discussed a chapter about self-identity, and we started talking about different things that create our identities. We had some very good discussions about education, class, the clothes we wear, hair, and NAMES. Assata changed her name from JoAnne Chesimard to Assata Shakur, which has significant meaning. Assata means "she who struggles" and I can't recall what Shakur means right now. Anyway, her name shaped a discussion about how names may or may not say something about who we are as individuals. We talked about how names sometimes are the representation of the complete opposite of the people who have those names, and how some people "live up" to their names. It was a really interesing discussion. Today I received an email from a friend that contained an article that is titled "Exotic Names Don't Make Grade for Black Students." The article basically says that black kids with "exotic" or "unusual" names don't do as well in school as black students with more "common" names. David Figlio, economist and the University of Florida says "This study suggests that the names parents give their children play an important role in explaining why African-American families on average do worse because African Americans are more inclined that whites or Hispanics to give their children names that are associated with low soci0-economic status." WTF??? It goes on to say that children with exotic names are less likely to get into gifted and talented programs, because many teachers associate "exotic" names with poor academic performance. So what are these names you may ask??? Names that begin with certain prefixes like "lo" (i think that was a typo...i think they meant la..don't know any names that start with "lo"), "ta," and "qua." The study also shows that names are partly to explain the gap between black and white standardized test scores. Now I have an "unusual" or "exotic" name by these standards, and know a lot of black intellectuals with these names, and I have to say this is bullshit. So how do I feel about this? Can't say I'm thrilled about it at all, and that has nothing to do with the fact that my name would be deemed "exotic" according to these standards. I wonder what my kids will have to say about this. And who defines what is "exotic" and "common?" I guess those will be questions I pose to my class tomorrow. And by faithful blog readers, I wonder how you feel about this? Are any of you just as disturbed as I am???

Another Day in the Life of a NYC Teacher

It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting at home, reading three books and visiting the brooklyn museum to see the basquiat exhibit. feels like just yesterday, but i've been back to work for a week now. and with work comes the many challenges that many of us teachers face on a regular basis. I get back to school with not a lot planned, and learn that i have to give midterms this week. so, midterms began today. i really don't like giving kids tests, but those are the rules, and i guess i have to follow them. anytime i give a test, i give a long speech ahead of time. and it goes a little something like this "there should be no talking during the test...and that means that no one should talk even after they've finished the test. the test is not over until i let everyone know that it's over. if you talk, i have to give you a zero. if you 'appear' to be cheating you will get a zero...so that means don't turn around and look at your friends, or anything else that may seem like you're cheating." so i've been with these kids for 8 months now...they should know the routine...right???? WRONG. either kids think i'm just a moron, or they really have no idea that they are not slick. i'm pretty tough, but i always give my kids a second chance. i'm really not into writing kids up and suspending them. we always start with a clean slate...i don't hold grudges with them. but i've noticed that by giving them more opportunities to fuck up, they seem to think i'm a pushover and take advantage of my style. i gave 7 kids zeros on their midterms today. despite what i told them before we began this test (and all of our other tests), i had kids passing notes to each other while they were taking the test, silently communicating (talking, rather mouthing to each other), and some just decided to talk to others out loud. i couldn't believe it. so i gave them zeros and then wrote them up. i forwarded my referrals to the dean, and he decided to talk to some of the kids. despite the fact that i wrote on the referral that the kids "appeared" to be cheating, when he spoke to them he asked "why were you cheating?" he's so incompetent sometimes, well not just some of the time. discipline them yes, but confront them properly. don't say i said something that i did not.

then i had a kid tell me (after i pulled it out of him) that he didn't have any money, and can't get any from either of his parents b/c they don't have it to give. it makes no sense to me that so many people go without eating...absolutely NO SENSE. he was so distraught. i'm glad i was able to contain myself. another kid bascially lied on me today about the recent elections we had. he told his mom that i kept the election open longer than i really did, and he told her i told him that he won the election before i let the bilingual students vote. that was just a blatant lie! he's being a sore loser, and i guess i'm the easiest one to blame for his defeat! KIDS!!! what a fucking day.

Feeling Accomplished

Today was the first day of a much needed vacation. And what do I do? Re-introduce myself to two neglected loves...music and books. Since I'm teaching, and in school, I find that on my off-time i.e. the weekends, all I have time to do in my spare time is rest. Yeah I have intentions of doing all sorts of things, but my worn-out self will not allow me the time to take on those intentions. I woke up at 6:50 this morning (go figure) and after looking for classes to register for for the summer, I perused my three bookshelves and windowsill (yes I keep books on my window sill b/c i don't have enough book shelves) I chose Tar Baby by Toni Morrison. Since I was determined not to get lost in the television as I often do, I set a goal...finish half the book today, and then complete it tomorrow. Well, 12 hours later, a few naps in between, and a long overdue bubble bath, I finished the entire book. I was lost in the words of Morrison and the characters that I came to love and hate instataneously and simultaneously while listening to the likes of keys, larieux, coldplay, and legend. Is it just me, or does everyone feel like they've really accomplished something when they finish reading a book for leisure? I feel like I can take on the world right now, and Morrison gave me a lot to think about (comment on and underline) in 306 pages while I take it on. A story of love and relationships, Tar Baby has me looking at things a bit differently, as do all really good books. Jadine, Son, Ondine, Sydney, Margeret, Valerian, Gideon, and Therese will remain etched in my mind just as Pecola Breedlove, Maureen Peel, and other characters that represent so many of us and so many of our challenges and desires. I didn't want the book to end; I wanted to be wrapped up in it all night, and then wanted it to tuck me into bed preparing me for sweet though-provoking dreams. I think it will still do that even though I have closed the pages without being given a happily ever after ending. I guess that's why I enjoy Morrison. She doesn't feed us the shit television does, and when I say shit, I mean the happily ever after unrealistic endings. She ends nicely, not like those books that end having me think "what the fuck??" but with an ending that will keep me thinking, wondering, and hoping for many nights and days to come. Over the next few days I will explore the work more wondering how she does it as lightbulbs start to come on. Not about how she does it (because I don't know if my mind is ready for that and even if it is, I don't think I can/will find the answer) but about the clues she was giving me but that I could not recognize on a first read. So look forward to future blogs that incite thought provoking questions...not about Sex and the City, but about the questions developed as the result of immersing myself in a true art form...by a true artist.

I'm Getting Younger

Well maybe I'm not getting younger, but I am feeling younger. Not because of anything I've done intentionally, but because of the people around me. I've been carded three times this week when purchasing alcohol...and we're not going to even talk about the fact that I've purchased alcohol three times in the last 6 days. I'm not an alcoholic, just a teacher that needed to exhale a few times this week! The 3 times I was carded I wasn't wearing any makeup...goes to show you what makeup really does; it may make you look a little "better" but it also makes you look older! So no more makeup for me ;) Today my school had Spirit Day, and the Class of 06 was in charge of all the festivities. As faculty advisor for the class I felt that I should participate in some of the activities. So I was brave and decided to be one of the volunteers for "throw a pie in a teacher's face for $1." So for those of you that don't know me or haven't seen me in a while I have a really big Afro. Afro and pudding don't mix, so I had someone put my hair in 2 french braids last night. I look all of 10 years old right now. When I got to school today, no one really recognized me...eveyone kept looking for me looking right past me. Now I don't think a hairstyle really makes one look that different, but I discovered today that it does. Everyone thought I was a student, and for a 26 year old who feels like she's getting too old too fast, their inability to recognize me was quite the compliment. Several of my freshman were trying to guess my age, and one girl said "The absolute oldest you can be is 24!!!" I wanted to kiss her! But as I reflect on this week and how others made me feel, I started thinking "what's so bad about getting older?" Yes we live in an ageist society, but is this something we bring upon our selves? I don't know anyone beyond the age of 21 that looks forward to their next birthday. For us females, every birthday just gets us that close to menopause, and who wants to be menopausal??? Not I said the chief. But there are so many other good things that come with age...like maturity, wisdom, experiences that we learn from etc., but we always seem to focus on the negativity of getting older. A few weeks ago I got an invitation to my 10 year high school reunion and wanted to slit my wrists. When did I get so old? Was high school that long ago? So I try to make me feel better about myself by saying "You graduated at 16!" But still...I was a teenager 10 years ago! Damn it. When I was younger it I was so anxious about getting older, and it felt like my birthday came only once every two years...now it feels like it comes once every two months! I was always the youngest in my group of friends...now I'm always the oldest! WTF??? So I said all of that to say what is it about getting older that we all dread? Death? That could happen at any time...you don't have to be old to die...so what is it that we are so eager to avoid???

What's the Southern Gal to Do?

I have a student, and for the purposes of this blog, I'll name him Kwame, not sure why, but just go with me here! Anyway, earlier in the school year I heard Kwame tell someone (maybe even himself) that he was going to drop out of high school. Obviously this was disturbing especially because he's only a freshman, so I called him out in the hall to discuss this matter. He felt at the time that because he was failing all of us classes, school was a waste of his time. I told him that it was still early in the year, and that he was a very bright student, despite the fact that he failed my class. I saw and still see a lot of potential in Kwame. My words were not a bit of consolation, b/c his mind was not changed at all. I referred him to the counselor and spoke with his mother. After that I noticed a drastic change in his behavior and his school work. He was a B+ student for at least 3 marking periods. He also said on occasion that I was his favorite teacher and that he really enjoyed my class. So I thought all was resolved. Lately I noticed he wasn't really engaged, and I'd here him make comments like "I'm not doing it" everytime I gave an assignment. He was absent for a few days and then returned to school yesterday. He came to school early and told me he wanted to show me something. So we went in the hall and he showed me a letter from his brother and he made it a point to show me the addresser's address...it was a correctional facility. He told me that the two most influential people in his life (his brother and cousin) were in jail, and he felt that that is where he was headed. I told him that doesn't have to be the case, to which he replied "This is just me. I know I'm doing wrong; I'm in a gang, and there's nothing more I can do. I just don't have any other role models." I was speechless. I tried to tell him that he can decide what he will become, but he wasn't buying it. I ran out of words to say, and when he saw that he told me "I just wanted to tell you why I haven't been involved in class...my mind is just in other places, and I can't focus right now." Shit!!! I told him I understood he was going through difficult times, but tried to reinforce my earlier comments. I have no idea what I should do. This kid truly believes he has no other choices right now, and what could I say to convince him otherwise...NOTHING. He felt the need to give me some sort of reason for his change in behavior, and that says a lot about what he thinks of me as a teacher. How often do kids give excuses for their academic decline???

He didn't come to school today. I feel like I really fucked up.

"Samantha" in the City

Sex and the City has been off the air (hbo that is) for almost a year now, but the show still lives on in the conversations I have with several friends, and even on this blog. I find myself talking with my friends about which SATC character is most like us. I tend to feel like I'm most like Miranda...she's my favorite character, and not only because I found myself sitting next to her on the downtown 1 train last fall. She's focused and a bit cynical...two traits that when put together say a lot about who I am. She tells her friends exactly what is on her mind before thinking it through, her tolerance level for bullshit is "zero", and she is a bit of a cluster fuck for words at time even though she relies on her words for a living (she's an attorney in case some of you out of the loop). But for some reason my friends don't have the same perception of me that I have of myself. They think I'm Samantha!!! Now I love Samantha, but if you were to ask me, I'm no Samantha. I think a lot of us strive to be Samantha at times, especially when it comes to having sex. For a majority of the show, she could have sex with anyone without any emotions attached, and as much as we women say this is a possibility for us, I think if we're really honest with ourselves this isn't the case MOST of the time. Some of the time, yes, but definitely not most of the time. She is strong and successful, but I think of her mainly in terms of her sexual escapades and her often inappropriate sex talk. Basically I think of her as the "ho" if you will. Now I have stated that at times I do feel like a ho, but considering my sex record lately, I'm all talk and no action (pun intended!). And everyone knows I'm not getting any as often as I'd like, so my question is...how am I Samantha? Am I Samantha for other reasons??? If so, I'd like to be enlightened because I'm completely in the dark. Now don't get me wrong, I don't take this as an insult, it just comes as a surprise to me.

And yes, I am aware that I'm talking about these characters as if they are real, but I do feel that there is a lot of "realness" about them ;)

People can be so disgusting!

Got a joke for you: What do you do when a homeless guy comes to sit next to you on the train? MOVE!!! Get it???? I sure as hell don't. If you haven't figured it out, it wasn't a joke. It was meant to describe the poor sense of character so many of us have.

So today I'm on the path train heading back to jersey, and a homeless guy walks into the car and sits two seats down from me. If you think I'm going to talk about how disgusting the homeless guy was...think again. Yes he did look a little dirty, but what can be expected??? He's homeless. He can't afford the luxury of taking a shower everyday and washing his clothes once a week. As the guy took his seat, a guy across from him said "Man, don't sit there...take your ass to another car," to which the homeless guy replied "I will...I just need to sit down for a minute," and the rude asshole said "No move now...you stinky motherfucking bastard." The homeless guy didn't move, and I'm even happier to say that the asshole did. As if this wasn't upsetting enough, I noticed that I was the only person who didn't have a problem with sitting so close to him. A lady took an empty seat next to him, and then quickly moved. As the train made stops, many people looked at the two empty seats between him and I, made a move toward the seats, then took one look at him and went to the opposite end of the car. After a while he did get up, and took anothre empty seat in between two other people. Before he could even sit down, the two people on the sides of him got up and stood for the remainder of the train ride. WTF? Now I can understand if the guy smelled so bad that it prompted nausea, but that wasn't the case. Yes, he looked dirty, but I couldn't smell him, and I was sitting the closest to him. So people couldn't have been steering clear b/c of his odor. He wasn't talking to himself, or do something like spitting mango on the ground (I saw another homeless guy do that one time), so why were people so bent on not sharing a seat with someone who could be any of us in the blink of an eye? What is wrong with people??? He's a human being for fuck sake. No one even thought to think "If that were me, and people were automatically looking at me and running, how would I feel?" It's funny how some of us are so quick to judge people, then insult them just based on how they look. It's even funnier when those of us who are judging and insulting are being judged and insulted everyday because of how we look. I wanted to ask the asshole "Did you ever think people feel the same about you?" He would be a key target for racial profiling. But he can talk about not wanting to sit next to someone because of how they look? Are you kidding? But aside from the prick, I have to consider the 5-7 people whose actions spoke just as loud and clear as his words. I have to really wonder what kind of hope we have for our future if we can't even sit to someone who is fucking poor...a product of a society that could kick us in our ass at any given moment! I guess the difference is is that they wear their poverty on their sleeve and can't hide it like so many of us can. I mean really, we were all riding a train so that tells us a little something about where we fit in the social class paradigm. None of us have drivers taking us to work everyday; no limo is waiting for us when we walk out of the house. We ride the train for $1.50 one way. But how easily we can pick out someone who has it harder than we do. Will we ever get to the point when we aren't so blatantly rude and insensitive of our fellow man's condition? Can we get beyond ourselves long enough to give another human being respect regardless of how he looks or may smell????

Southern Girl for President

Today one of my freshman was telling me about a discussion she had (or her brother had...can't quite remember) with one of the Social Studies teachers. He told her that before the end of their lifetime (our kids) there will be a black president. I told her that that was highly possible. This is how our conversation went next:

Student: Miss, you should run for president.
Me: No, I don't think so.
Student: Yes, I think you should...you'd be a good president.
Me: Girl, the U.S. would be a mess if I was president.
Student: No it wouldn't...I think you should run.

A black president...possible. A black female president...hmmm, not sure. I'm no Condi! Thank goodness =) Now of all the careers that I've thought about tackling, a career is politics has not been an option. When others have asked me would I consider it I've always said, very quickly "NO!" Me in the presidency...that would make for one ghetto ass government. Really!!! I guess she was thinking that if I could handle the freshman classes at my school, I could definitely handle the ole U.S. of A. Now that I think about it, it was pretty cute.

Cast your ballots folks. Southern girl is gonna run the country!

Spring is in the Air

I remember thinking about winters in NYC before moving here. I was so excited about experiencing changes in climate, and seeing some "real" snow. Others from Houston that had experienced snow told me "It gets real old real soon," and now I see exactly what they mean. Snow is fucking annoying, and it's not as beautiful as I always envisioned. Yesterday and today as I was walking in 70 degree sunshiney weather, I couldn't help but think to myself "I love this city." The weather has definitely incited an incline in my mood. I love the spring!

I think my students are enjoying the weather as well. And, I'm starting to understand the nature of man during the springtime. The male students can smell the flowers blooming, and I'm anticipating some heightened libidos. Today I had one student (not one of mine) put his arm around me and tell all of his friends "This Ms. Hardman...my boyfriend!" So his english isn't all that great; he's a native Spanish speaker and only understands a little english. Until this week he kept calling me "Ms. Hongry," but now he has my name down. As I removed his arm from around my neck, his friends corrected is english; I think he was a little embarrassed. Then, another male student walked by me in the hall. He didn't say "hello" or "good afternoon" he just touched my stomach for no apparent reason. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF LIL BOY! Then later another student took a pen from me. I told him to give it back b/c students are always "borrowing" my pens, and I never see them again. He put the pen down his shirt and said "If you want it, come and get it." WTF??? Raina was in the room with me and said "Does your mother know you talk to your teachers like that?" So I packed up to leave and as I put my bag on my shoulder, it kinda pulled on my sweater, so that a piece of my bra strap was showing. This happened to be right in front of the same student who put the pen in his shirt in hopes that I would retrieve it from him. He went on to tell me that I needed to wear the dresscode as well, and when I asked him what he was talking about (i had on slacks, cardigan, and a pretty thick cami - that revealed NOTHING) he went to touch my bra strap and said "What is this?" No, I didn't let him touch my bra strap!!!! I saw him heading for it and quickly moved before he could get his jolly-on. Why are these boys being so manish around their teachers??? They must be watching the news too much and have us confused with those sick teachers who are having affairs with their students. Have boys always acted this way around their female teachers, or is there something in the water???

Just Be a Man

Has it always been a problem that men can't be men, or is it a 90's/new milenium type thing? Maybe it was World War II. Did that war stop the birth of man? Perhaps we need to start having wars that make men more like men and less like the pussies that I've been privileged enough to encounter lately. And as Raina said, I'm sure women will somehow be to blame for men being so soft.

What brought this on??? A man, of course. A man that I was friends with. Never any talk of being in a relationship; frankly the thought of that never crossed my mind. So my friend and I had been talking and communicating everyday, a few times a day. Just typical friendly conversation with a few laughs, a little advice, and a lot of support. Then one day out of the blue, I hadn't heard from him, and he explained that he needed some "me time" and that he would "be back in a few days." Ok...I can understand needing some time in solitude; shit everyone needs that every now and then. Now, personally I've never needed a few days for that shit; even if I did need that much "me time," I don't have that kind of fucking time on my hands. But, to each man his own. So since he's returned from his "me time" I still haven't heard from him. Yeah, I would check up on him daily to say hello and to see how his day was going, but got nothing in return. As a friend I began to get a little concerned, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder (in the words of C.B.) "is this motherfucker avoiding me???" And if so, why??? So I tried to call him today...no answer. Then I sent him a text asking if everything was ok, and that I was a little concerned b/c he hadn't returned any of my messages...no reply. Five hours later, I was a little more concerned, and little more frustrated. HELL-OOO???? So, I went against my urges not to call him, and decided to call him...ANONYMOUSLY, just to see of course if one of my hunches was valid. I am well aware, that dialing *67 before dialing a number is a bit immature, but I was in the middle of a game where someone wasn't returning my calls, so embraced immaturity with more immaturity. But I digress...Guess who then decides to answer the phone? Are you kidding me??? He answered the phone all casually and polite, and my response was "[Anonymous name]...are you avoiding me???" Of course he said "no"...how motherfuckin sweet. So I said, "Well what's going on?" Translation: why haven't I heard from you? I use to hear from you everyday, and now I haven't heard from you in over a week. To which he replied "Actually, I just walked in the door...I'm shaving." Yeah, that's what I do as soon as I walk in the door. He continued "Let me finish this up, hop in the shower, and I'll call you in like 30 or 45." Riiiiiight. Did he really think I was going to fall for that shit? Lemme wait by the phone for, I don't know...another week. WTF? And if you're asking yourself "Did he call back" GET A CLUE...of course he didn't call me back.

So I'm sure I'll be to blame for continuing to call him even after he never responded to me. Well excuse the fuck outta me for being concerned for someone who is a friend. Newsflash...friends call each other, and they begin to get a little concerned if they haven't heard from a friend that they normally talk to everyday for over a week. So here are some suspicions...he's got a girl. Well I'm glad if he does, and if he's dating someone who doesn't like him talking to other girls...FINE, just BE A MAN and pick up the fucking phone or send me a text message and tell me that! Suspicion two...I was crowding him. Now, I'm not sure how you crowd someone who lives in another city, but I'll be a champ, and go with that shit. Again...if you feel crowded...BE A MAN and say something. If you want someone to stop trying to contact you, the surest and quickest way to do that is to tell them that they are getting on your nerves. Or, don't be a man and avoid calls/texts and then answer an anonymous call...either way...works for me. But do you want people to think of you as a man, or a...(use your imagination). What is it? Am I intimidating? Do I scare people? Do I just flip out because I don't get my way? So if none of these things are true, then what is it? Is it just another way that men try to control women? "Let me not return her calls so that she'll worry about me, and then I'll feel all self-important, and then I'll call her so we can start this charade all over again!" Well, honey, I'm not the one. Especially for someone who is just a friend.

But here is what is so confusing. We are not dating, not in a relationship, he's not my boo, i'm not his...there are no fucking expectations, other than we are FRIENDS. So maybe I missed something...why do we avoid people that we call friends and then act like complete dicks about it??? I would think that we are too old for this shit...well I know I am. And I know I'm going on and on, but I'm completey flabbergasted right now. I just don't get it. And the sad thing is, for me anyway, is that I really considered this person to be a friend and I was a friend to him. Now, that shit has gone down the tubes. The game session of this friendship is now...OVER.

And if the anonymous person is reading my blog, that's the most attention I've gotten from you in a week, so I'm sure you saw this coming, you're a smart boy.

I can smell the desperation

Yesterday a friend and I were talking, and she was telling me about this internet site (eharmony) for singles that are looking to date. She told me a few co-workers told her about this site, and a few of them hooked up with people from this site. While I am totally against the idea of finding "the one" in cyberworld, by the end of our conversation, we both agreed to try it out...together. See how adventurous we can be with our girls! So, while we were talking, I walked over to my computer, logged on to AOL, and visited eharmony where I completed my "personality profile." While I was completing this survey about my values, interests, and other personality traits, I found myself quite annoyed. One, because some of the questions were redundant, and two, because this thing took me like 15 minutes to complete. While that may not seem like a long time to find someone, it was a hell of a long time to answer some questions I really wasn't in the mood to confront at the time. After completing this "free" survey, I found that "true love" really isn't free. Yes, I've gotten like six emails telling me about matches, but in order to communicate with any of these people, there is a cost:
1 month - $49.95
3 months - $99.95
6 months - $159.95
12 months - a whopping $249.95!
Now granted, I've spent all of these amounts in admissions to bars/clubs, drinks, outfits, makeup, and accessories, but even if I didn't find anyone on these nights, I at least had a good time. What is this going to get me? A decent conversation with someone who could be a complete sociopath? I'm just not feeling it. And should finding someone be as easy as filling out a 15minute survey, and then entering my credit card number into an unsecure site?

Or is this the new reality for dating? Find someone on the internet, and then live happily ever after? I don't feel like I'm desperate, and I really don't feel like that since I wasn't willing to pay for happiness (literally pay that is). So why would I even take the time to submit the survey? Is this the safe way to meeting someone, or is it all just scam?

Uh Ohhhhhhhhh

You better watch out...you better not pout....you better not cry, I'm gonna tell you why...JOHNNIE COCHRAN DIED. Awww shit, all us niggas is going to jail now!

Just thought I'd get that line out before any comedien/comedienne does ;)

I Have a CRUSH!

Awww...a crush. Something that is especially foreign for me. In my entire 26 years, 7 months, 22 days, 14 hours, and 9 minutes of living I've only experienced two real crushes. Yeah, I've liked guys from a distance, but the thing that made a crush a crush, was never really there. The first was from ages 8 until...maybe 20; and yes, it was the same guy for that entire 12 year span. He was the shit for a preadolescent, adolescent,teenager, and young adult female. Mainly he was something nice to look at...not much more as I discovered in my 20th year, or even more precisely, the 12th year of wanting someone who didn't want me, and blamed not wanting me on a little thing known as "the age factor" ;) I guess the one thing I can give him credit for is buying me bonbons on my 11th birthday, or maybe it was the 12th birthday...who can remember such trivial things =) My crush lasted as long as he (the crushed on) wasn't attainable, and when he was he wasn't all that I had imagined and fantasized about for the 12 years I was crushing on him. A bit of a disappointment...MY CRUSH, WAS A CRASH. We still remained friends, but once he allowed himself to be caught in a sense, the feeling was gone!

And now, I have another...and aside from the fact that I probably would never express this to my crush, it feels oh so good. This is a bit of a mature crush, if you will. Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, he is fabulous according to my own standards. And from the little contact I've had with him, and the more I hear about him, I almost feel like he's the male me. We seem to have a lot of things in common...some of the same bizarre likes and dislikes, and we have very similar interests. The few times that I've been in his prescence, I know I am crushing...how do I know? Because when I'm around him I'm a cluster fuck looking for the right words...the ones that will make him crush on me as well, but all of my formal and informal education and slight wit escapes me, and I'm either at a loss for words, or left with only idiotic words and phrases when responding to his questions/comments. I feel like I can't even articulate one complete sentence when I'm around him, and what makes it even worse is that creating complete logical sentences is what I teach people how to do for my own livelihood! I'm sure he thinks I'm a moron.

So what do we do about crushes? Do we keep them a secret so that we can keep the person on a pedastal for 12+ years? Or do we confront our crush? And btw, am I the only adult who still has crushes?

Oh, and for those of you who know who my crush is...don't you DARE reveal it! It's not so cute once it's known ;)

I'm Dating Girls!

As you can tell from previous blogs, my friends and I are always talking about relationships. We talk about how nice it would be to be in a relationship and enjoy all of the perks of those relationships like dating, and, well, sex. But aside from the sex, I don't know one female who doesn't really enjoys the art of dating...the whole flower, dinner, movie, nice romantic walks and talks, showers of compliments, getting sweet messages "just because," getting surprised by flowers or an unexpected lunch rendevous...all of the stuff that happens when we're dating someone. We eat all that shit up. And because dating is something that feels so nice, we often find ourselves wanting it either when a relationhip gets old, or there is no significant relationship in our lives at the time. Today a friend said something to me, and it got me thinking...what is it that we are really missing when we are not in a relationship with a man? Why do we complain or grieve about not having a man to do all of this with? Aren't we in a sense dating all of our girls? Don't we enjoy dinner and movies together, and then go out dancing? Don't we have nice engaging, even stimulating discussions? Don't we laugh about the most ridiculous things and in turn end up having a fantastic night? Don't we call each other with no particular preset agenda? Don't we just go out and do things spontaneously? Don't we freely share our mot intimate thougths and ideas with each other? And don't we give each other compliments, especially when they are needed? Ladies, we are not missing anything! We are ALWAYS dating...each other. So if we are in essence dating, what the hell are we complaining about? We already have what we're waiting for. Do we want somone just to pay for us? Or do we want the drama? We need to learn to enjoy each other, and realize that what we are looking for is actually right in front of us.

BREAKING NEWS March 23, 2005...The End of the World is Upon Us

Did any of you know that the end of the world was right around the corner? In fact, it's on Friday, March 25, 2005. That's right, the end of the world is Friday!!! That's the breaking news I heard today. So why is the end of th world on Friday you ask? Well, here's the answer according to the students at my school. Apparently a hermaphrodite was born in the Dominican Republic a few days ago. This hermaphrodite was born with facial hair, and came out the pussy saying "If you think this is strange...wait till Friday." Or rather "Si piensas que esto es raro, espera hasta el Viernes." And because this "raro" birth happened so close to Easter, the end of the world will be on Good Friday, 2005. Oh, by the way, this was confirmed on New York City transportation...the 1 line Uptown train to be exact by an anonymous stupid ass motherfucking adult!

From what I understand, kids are not required to go to school in the D.R. If you decide you want to go to school at 15, you will be a 15 year old first grader! How fucked up is that? And is that the reason so many students (and adults) actually believe that the end of the world is prompted by the birth of a talking newborn hermaphrodite with facial hair???? (A.k.a a midget who is trying to pull one over on the stupid ass people that voted for George Bush? WHAT IS GOING ON? I guess what's even more disturbing than the rumor itself is that kids actually believe it! I was teaching a lesson on subject-verb agreement today, and when I asked the class if they had any questions I got, "Miss, (that's my name...MISS), are you scared that the world is going to end on Friday. I AM!" First of all, that's not the kind of question I was soliciting, and second of all....WHAT THE FUCK???

So I'm predicting that there will be pure mayhem at school tomorrow. But, I may be able to use the rumor to my advantage if kids get outta line. Would I be terribly wrong if I told unruly kids "You're going to hell tomorrow if you keep doing that" and posted a sign on my door that say "WWJD?" Maybe if they get too outta control I'll just tell them "You know what...you don't have to wait for tomorrow!" But maybe since it will be their last day on earth, they will feel the need to behave so that they can gain entry into heaven.

And you know what, if this shit is on the motherfucking news, I will single handedly end the world my goddamned self!

What is it all about?

P.S. If the end of the world is Friday, I'm sure I'll be telling some of you in heaven/hell "Shit...those motherfuckers were right." I'll be sure to repent before I go to bed tomorrow night.