17 Pound Baby and Being "Alone"

So today my friend sent me a link to an article about a baby born in Brazil that weighed 17 pounds. He's the biggest Brazilian baby ever born. Wait...the biggest BRAZILIAN baby? Is it not the biggest baby ever born in the world? How is that even possible? And why would doctors let her pregnancy go that long? I can't even imagine toting around 17 pounds of fetus. You have to visit the link. It is incredible. Just click on the title of this blog, and you will be taken to the link.

Before I read her email, she and I were discussing dating the wrong men...ALL THE TIME. What is it about the people that aren't for us that attract us so much? Why is it so difficult to let someone go that is obviously not right for us for whatever reason? She was saying that it would be easier to "dismiss" this one guy if she had someone else that could occupy her time. From experience, I know that having someone else makes letting someone go easier, but why do we put ourselves through that? Is it so bad to be alone? Speaking as someone who as been "alone" for quite some time, I am aware that it can be lonely and depressing at times, but it is bearable. I wonder, do we need someone else to make us feel complete? That's hard to admit I guess, especially when 30 is in the not so distant future. We want to be independent (well most of the people I know), but we constantly talk about relationships. And I don't mean just "friendly" relationships, but long term, committed relationships with a "significant other." Is "one" really the magic number as Jill Scott says, or are we looking for the magic to occur with "two?"

Don't Date a Guy Who...

A couple of friends and I are starting a book club. The book is "He's Just Not That Into You" and it was the root of one of the sex and the city episodes. The book was co-written by one of the writers on the show and a friend, who is a male. The book basically gives us (women) clues on being able to tell if a man is really interested in us. One part of the book has a list of rules that should be followed when dating someone. For example, don't date a man who lies, don't date a man who is married, and many other "obvious" things. Raina and I started creating a new list on her blog b/c we felt that the rules that are outlined in the book are common sense, and as women we shouldn't need to be told such things. I thought I'd share the list and ask for additions. Later I will share a list started by men...don't date a woman who...

So, here is the list we've started.

Raina said:
Don't date a man who...
doesn't absolutely love to eat pussy; lives with his parents over the age of 27; doesn't enjoy food a lot or takes diet pills; needs to sleep alone sometimes; who stops to fold his pants and hang them on a hanger before sex; can't hang with his girlfriend's family; can't pick up dogshit or puke or fix a toilet; doesn't want you to hang out with him and his friends; can't tie a tie or iron his own dress shirt; says words like smoochies, moist, tomahhhto, undies (as his underwear), weiner, or i have to go pee pee, but is afraid to say or hear words like girlfriend, period, yeast infection, or babies; calls you buddy, sport, or dude; would not drive an couple hours just to see you smile and turn back around and go home happy even if he didn't his dick sucked for being romantic; can't get you some tampons while he's out; does fantasy football or any other hypothetical sport; who is not as crazy as you are.

I said:
Don't date a man who...
can't not hold a simple conversation with you beyond sports and fucking; likes to steal, but says that he's only fucking a system that fucked him first; thinks negatively of you for shit that he does on a regular basis; is so primitive in his thinking that he believes he's the only one in the relationship that can get pleasure and go; is a "know it all" that really knows shit; can only be supported, and not offer any support; refuses to EVER bathe before you blow him (sometimes a bath is necessary!); who acts all "manly" and then jumps on top of a chair, table, or anything that's elevated off of the floor if he sees a rodent; who is frightened by something and takes off running WITHOUT grabbing your hand to run along, who asks you to do bizzare things when you FIRST start dating (i.e. snowball, lick ass/toss salad, spanking, wet showers, or asks if he if he can call you "mommy" or wants you to call him "daddy"), who screams like a bitch at a scary movie, who wets the bed...EVER, who MAKES you eat off of the same plate as him, who feeds you, who takes food off of your plate without asking (and gets an attitude when you ask him for a bite of his food)...

That's all we have for now. And if you haven't guessed, a lot of these were based on personal experiences. So ladies, do you have any to add? And men, feel free to add your own list of Don't date a woman who...

I Keep on Fallin' - In the City

One thing that the city has done for me is make me more accident prone/clumsy. I have fallen more since I've been here then I've fallen in my entire life. Today, I had a legitimate reason...all ground is extremely slippery due to the blizzard we had this weekend. On my way to the path train, I was walking and slipped into a split in the middle of rush hour. Yes...into a split. HOW EMBARRASSING!!! Why was I so embarrassed? Like I said, I had good reason for slipping. The ground was slippery as hell. But, I was nonetheless embarrassed. And as everyone stepped over me ass, an old man with a cane tried to help me up...yes, an old man with a cane. Maybe it was pride, or just pure embarrassment, but I said (quite loudly) "Oh no...I'm okay." Not sure if I really was okay, but I popped up like a jack-n-the-box. And, like I said, today was not the only instance, but it was the only legitimate instance. I've fallen walking down steps in the same subway station. My foot just completely buckled underneath me, and I landed on both knees on the steps. I've fallen to my hands and knees running up steps. Don't know why, but when I fell that time I said "UH OH" really loud like I was three years old. I fell WALKING up the steps at school (with lunch in hand) in front of all of the security guards...who laughed at my ass. I'm always running into something, and then tripping in my classroom (thank god i haven't fallen in front of my students. they think it's funny enough when i trip over a desk). i fell on someone, or should i say in someone's lap on the train. I fell walking on the sidewalk and skinned my knee really bad (i was drunk that time - so i guess that's a legitimate reason?!?!) What is up with me? This never happened to me back home. Maybe my equilibrium is off, or maybe I'm just getting clumsier with age.

Am I the only one who keeps on falling?

How old is OLD?

I'm sitting here watching the Apprentice, and I'm wondering "Am I old?"
I don't like anything too loud...music, television, and TALKING. If any of the above are too loud, I find myself easily annoyed.
I wonder when or if there will ever be any good television like there used to be. Remember shows like The Cosby Show, The Greatest American Hero, Facts of Life, Good Times, Sanford and Son, The Jefferson, All in the Family, Cheers, and other sitcoms. And what about good game shows...yes we still have Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, but what about the others...remember "double your whammy???"
And while I like Spongebob and the proud family, those are about the only two cartoons that are partially interesting to me. Will they ever recreate tom and jerry, woody woodpecker, looney toons, hell, even muppet babies???
What's the latest slang? "Cool" and "Fresh" are no longer appropriate for young audiences, and "hot" went out as fast as it came in. When did "O.D." became the latest term (is that even still "hot?")
Don't let me even start with music. Where's the message? And, is Nelly really in the category of hip hop? Or is he pop? Whatever catgory he's in needs to become obsolete...soon.
And how long have blogs been out? The concept was new to me just a few weeks ago, but apparently blogs have been around for quite some time.
Maybe it's because I'm around teenagers everyday, or maybe it's because time is moving so fast, that it's hard to keep up. Sometimes I just wanna go back to the good ole days (now how OLD does that sound?!?!)

Beauty and Hair - Hair and Beauty

I didn't identify with my "womanness" until I was probably 22. Let me clarify. I always labeled myself as "black" - period. I didn't realzie that some of the issues that I struggle with at times are related to being a female in a patriarchial society. I just assumed that all of my issues dealt with race, until I was in a Social Class and literature course and the topic of hair came up. At the time I was struggling with norms, specifically, why I chose to continue to straighten my hair. My professor pointed out that hair is a woman issue, meaning, it has been and is still a sign of beauty for women. And of course, black beauty is in a category all own its own (i think). For many "nappy hair" is bad and ugly, while "straight hair" is "good." While i don't agree with these imposed norms, I do understand that these norms have been adopted. After today, I wonder if hair is just a "woman's issue".

I have a male student who was being disruptive in class today. I pulled him out into the hall to scold him (because frankly, his behavior was getting on my nerves and I felt as if I was about to shake him until he straightened up). When I called him out in the hall, I noticed something different about him...his hair. Now his hair usually catches my attention, because he never seems to comb it, and it often looks quite messy. But today, the messiness was different. I asked him what he did to his hair, and he said he permed (relaxed) it. His hair was a straight MESS. I asked him why he did it, and he said because it was too nappy. What he didn't tell me was that on the previous day a student referred to his hair as "carpet." In NO way did his hair look better straight than natural in my opinion. Adding a perm is not going to do anything for you if you refuse to comb your hair. If you knew this kid, you would never think that he would be influenced by such nonsense. His a very big boy, a blood (as in crips and bloods) I might add, and he "appears" to be very tough. From what I thought, straight hair was only cool for pimps...and Snoop. Who/What is he identifying with? Is he starting a new trend? I for one am not ready for seeing male students with roller and straw sets. More seriously, I want to know when this whole war between the straight and nappy will stop. I was more understanding when just women were relaxing their hair, since hair is something we "do" in order to seem more attractive, but I don't know how long I can sit by while these norms now infiltrate the minds of boys.

Let's Talk About the Truth

Today I was talking to my friend Tamara, and she was asking me about men and the truth...more specifically how men fail to tell the truth. Why is it that they have to lie even when there is no commitment and no expectations? Is it just a part of their dna? If you (women) tell men that no matter what the truth is, they can tell you, why do they continue to tell little white lies? Is it because we have given ourselves a bad name; have we said that we don't care about the truth and then turn around and explode when the truth is revealed? I don't get it. I too have had my experiences with men and their lying tendencies, and I just can't figure it out. And I'm not talking about times when I've asked a specific question, I'm talking about when men voluntarily give information...that is a lie. Do they not know that when they lie, most of the time the truth will find us. And then how are we supposed to act? Do we ignore the fact that they lied, and keep our cool because the truth doesn't phase us anyway? Or, do we confront them about it, and make it seem like we really care? Somebody, please help me figure it out.